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Foul Paul! The 13 Biggest Busts of 2014

1. Prince Fielder

He was surprisingly terrible this season in a smaller ballpark with a pretty competent lineup around him. Then he broke.

Taken an average of 13th overall, owners are allowed to buy a bug zapper and take batting practice down at the local mosquito ridden pond.

2. Domonic Brown

Being featured in a Foul Paul! is never a good thing

He hit 12 HR in May of last season without ever drawing a walk. What did you expect?

3. The 2014 World Cup

I dozed in and out of the first game and holy crap I totally understand why the United States doesn’t care about this game. The only reason the U.S. doesn’t dominate soccer (don’t call it football, that term is reserved for a real sport) is because our best athletes are busy playing sports that aren’t totally boring. You think Dwight Howard might make a pretty decent goalie? Maybe Mike Trout in the midfield?

4. Joe Mauer

The decline is in full swing. Mauer’s still a decent player with a good OBP, but if he isn’t hitting above .300 he doesn’t belong in the top 100. Maybe teams should stop giving mega contracts to players. From Mauer to Albert Pujols Pujols to Robinson Cano to A-Rod to CC Sabathia to Prince Fielder to Matt Kemp to Justin Verlander to Carl Crawford, IT ISN’T A GOOD IDEA!

5. Foul Paul!

I have yet to make millions from this. Maybe Rob’s nephew can do better.

Feel free to leave hate in the comments section, it makes me feel like a WWE villain, which I very much enjoy.

6. Jean Segura

The 2013 post All-Star Break version is back. Yep, he had a .583 OPS in the second half last year.

7. Google +

Is it dead yet? Does anyone even know what a circle is?

Let me ask dumb questions into your search engine and maintain my junk email accounts. That’s your job, Google.

8. Matt Moore

Matt Moore is a tender subject for Paul

What looked like such a promising career is now suddenly in question, but not just because of injury. His velocity was down and his control actually got worse. Two years ago I would have bet he’d be in the thick of the Cy Young conversation. Nobody is a sure thing in this game.

9. Billy Butler

Kansas City is all about doubles this season. Both Butler and Eric Hosmer have turned themselves into doubles machines, which is terrible news for pretty much everyone involved. But hey, if you decide to actually watch a Royals game and step foot in Kansas City you deserve to be punished anyway.

The Seattle Seahawks and the Royals are both LOB, all right. The Seahawks are the Legion of Boom and the Royals are Left on Base.

10. Jedd Gyorko

It’s really sad to know that the last elite Padres hitter was Adrian Gonzalez. Since 2005, only three players have had 95 RBI in a season. A-Gon, Chase Headley, and Khalil Greene.

This can’t be a fluke, that park is just really tough to hit in. I don’t want any part of a Padres power hitter.

11. Shin-Soo Choo

The Rangers are cursed. Something spooky is going on here. I blame global warming.

12. Dr. James Andrews’ Timeshare

It doesn’t look like he’s going to get much time out of his office. The salesman will get you every time…

13. Allen Craig

It’s only going to get worse when he inevitably gets hurt. Matt Adams is better and will start stealing playing time when he comes back.

Be sure to read next weeks Foul Paul! or else I’ll follow you around the parking lot

 

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About the author: I am the guy that is responsible for the disaster that is Foul Paul!, which is posted every Friday. I grew up in the SF Bay Area, graduated from the California Maritime Academy, and live and die the Oakland A’s. And yes, your suspicions are confirmed, I am the resident bad-ass of the fantasy baseball community. (@alcohpaulism)

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Mabeh Al-Zuq Yadeek

    I think it’s completely ignorant for you to bash soccer by just watching one game.

    These guys never play together and it’s going to take a few games to get the chemistry together.

    The only reason I don’t like soccer too much is because it’s men running around in short shorts.

    Other thing is why the fuk would U.S. players go into soccer when they have the NBA, NFL and MLB that pay literally x1000 more than the MLS? The market just isn’t there for soccer players and any decent soccer player we produce is shipped overseas anyway. Soccer is pretty much dead in the states until the World Cup comes. Then, it subsequently dies once the U.S. loses.

    • http://www.baseballprof.com/ Bryan Curley

      Oh jeez, here we go again…

      • Mabeh Al-Zuq Yadeek

        Long time no see, m8.

    • Popots

      He’s not ignorant, he’s just telling everyone how it is. You both agree that USA isn’t good at soccer because the best athletes play other sports because they pay more money and they are much more popular here.

      He’s simply going one step further into saying why other sports pay more money and are more popular: Because to Americans, soccer is boring. There is a subset of soccer fans who will argue to they’re blue that not all Americans think it’s boring, but the fact is the vast majority do think it’s boring and nothing more than something safe their 11 year old daughter can play.

      • Mabeh Al-Zuq Yadeek

        “He’s not ignorant, he’s just telling everyone how it is.”

        No, he’s not “telling everyone how it is.” Why? Because it’s subjective.

        I think football is the dumbest fucking sport. On average, you have 12 minutes of action (actually playing). WOW! What a sport! Same with baseball, sitting around half the time. 90% of a football game is commercials playing and some kind of penalty going on. If it weren’t for fantasy football, I wouldn’t even watch a football game because half of your life will be spent watching commercials and watching penalties.

        Does that mean I’m right? No.

        Also, the popularity of soccer is a cultural thing. It’s more than just being “boring” to Americans. Media, in general, glorifies sports like football, basketball and baseball. So when you’re a little kid, that’s all you know. There’s a reason why soccer is the most popular sport in the world, by far. I’m not even a soccer fan and I’m telling you this.

        On a sidenote, I think soccer and baseball are the two purest sports in existence. For soccer, you only have a ball your skill depends on how well you maneuver it. That’s as pure as you get. Same with baseball, where you being able to hit a ball well will dictate your value. There’s nothing more pure than these sports. There’s no reason for you to hate soccer because you weren’t exposed to it by mass media from an early age.

  • Ripsnorter1

    The 13 Biggest Busts of 2014 was great. Soccer is the worst of the worst–no question about that.

  • George Thompson

    I still fail to understand how people find soccer to be more slow and boring than baseball. Beats my mind

  • Rock

    13 for 13? Pretty close