We’re getting right into the madness today so strap yourselves in! Oh, and read Foul Paul! every Friday and follow me @alcohpaulism.
First we’re going to start with some baseball tweets that I came across this week.
In times of desperation, we all do crazy things. When the Titanic was sinking, those weird musicians started playing music instead of doing anything constructive. If I was one of those musicians you bet your ass I’d be running for a life raft throwing women and children into the ocean. A violin is weapon when you need it to be, folks.
Despite how many families I might have ruined along the way, guess what, I’d be alive. Don’t play the violin, do something about your impending failure. Here are some ways to tell if you’ve panicked and have started playing music while the ship slowly sinks around you.
- If you added Andre Ethier.
- If you ever said, “as long as Bartolo Colon stikes out 14 guys tonight, I should win the week.”
- If you have literally prayed for rain so that your opponents players get rained out.
- If Dee Gordon is leading your team in homers. With 1.
- If you have contemplated buying a Brian Dozier jersey after his awesome start.
- If you’ve started reading fantasy football articles.
- If you’re reading Foul Paul! looking for actual advice.
- If you check TMZ to make sure Yasiel Puig is going to make it to the game on time. Or at all. Or without being arrested on the way to the stadium. Or deported.
- If you thought about naming your future daughter after your best player, “Jacoby.”
- If you had anything at all invested in R.A. Dickey.
- If the rationale on keeping a certain player is “he can’t be any worse, right?”
- If you watch Fever Pitch to feel better about your fantasy baseball addiction.
- If you got way too excited over Victor Martinez‘s surprise start at catcher.
- If, God forbid, you decided to add Adeiny Hechavarria.
- If Khris Davis is the best Chris Davis you own.
- If you decided to drink a Mountain Dew. Ever. My stomach huuuuuuurts.
- If you have an ounce of faith in Matt Lindstrom.
Be sure to read next weeks Foul Paul! or else we will all wonder why the Minnesota Twins decided not to put a roof on their stadium.